How to avoid using ableist language?

At some point or another, we’ve all used an ableist word, whether we mean to or not. Ableist language is any language which uses words typically used to describe disabled, mentally ill or non-neurotypical people, in a negative manner.

I was going to write a blog post about ableist language, which words are ableist and why, and what words you can use in place of the ableist words that have been ingrained in you by society. Then I discovered that Autistic Hoya has already done the leg-work, so take a look at their glossary of ableist terms and list of alternatives!

Posted in disability | 3 Comments

Mental Health Awareness Week: Physical Activity and Wellbeing

“Physical activity is often described as something we ‘ought to do’ to avoid developing health problems such as diabetes and heart disease. What’s less often explained is the huge potential it has to enhance our happiness and quality of life and reduce mental illness. This year’s Mental Health Awareness Week aims to shift our motivation for physical activity to something we choose to do to increase our wellbeing.” - Mental Health Foundation

Well that’s all well and good for the able-bodied, but I can’t help but think that the Mental Health Foundation, though it has its heart in the right place, is neglecting a huge swathe of people with mental illnesses who also suffer from physical disabilities. Does the Mental Health Foundation really believe that all people are either one or the other, and never the twain shall meet?

I would love to be able to “choose” to do physical activity if it meant some relief from, for example, my bipolar symptoms. I am willing to believe that, were I able-bodied, physical activity might be a wonderful thing for improving my mental health. I’ll never find out; my disability precludes me from being able to walk to the next road without excruciating pain, stiffness and fatigue, let alone taking a Yogalates class or going for a nice jog.

Not only that, but it’s kind of insulting to mentally ill people to imply that they can control whether they’re mentally ill or not. The implication of the “physical activity improves mental health” stuff is that if people are not partaking in physical activity (through choice or because they physically can’t) then it’s their own fault that they are suffering from mental ill-health, because they should just be trying harder.

Edited to add: A friend on Facebook also pointed out that, for many mentally ill people, the motivation to get out there and exercise is simply not there. So for someone in the deepest pit of severe depression, for example, it’s disingenuous to suggest they could just do a nice bit of exercise and feel better, because they’re just not mentally able to.

I normally like a lot of what the Mental Health Foundation does, but they’ve lost me here, I’m afraid. I feel ignored and alienated, and like the issues of the physically disabled are once again being treated as invisible and unimportant.

Posted in disability, health, mental health | Leave a comment

Men and Feminism

Slowly I’ve come around to the idea that feminist men exist. A friend from Hampshire Feminist Collective was asking about links to websites about feminism for men, and we realised they’re thin on the ground. So I thought I’d compile a list, to be added to as and when I find new places around the internet, for men who identify as feminists or feminist allies, or those who are curious. So here it is. Some of these are now defunct but still have good information, and the links beginning with @ symbols are linked to their Twitter pages if they have them.

If you know of any other resources for men interested in feminism, please let me know so the list can grow!

Posted in allies, blogosphere, feminists, men | Leave a comment

Poem: Straddle

Looking down there are things that shouldn’t be
things that aren’t that should, things I can’t face
movement where stillness should be and
stillness where I can’t bear it.

I straddle the line. I can’t imagine
what am I? Who am I? Stuck in this binary-obsessed world
where I must always, always choose.
Are you one?
Or the other?
You can’t be both, or neither.
No, you can’t, don’t argue.

You, mister too-many-qualifications
suited, note-taking, gate-keeping
greased back hair and gentle smiles
you are the angel who could give me life
or take it, please sir, may I?
I can’t jump as high as you ask
the tasks you provide are impossible for me.
Do I lie?
Do I hoop-jump like a good trick-pony
until finally, finally, I am awarded the carrot?

I long to fuck like you fuck, so sick
of my inescapable incapabilities.
Give me hard lines, give me shadows
give me depth and firm movements
but please sir, I don’t want to change my soul
not really, don’t make me change.

I don’t know where I am.
I know exactly what I am, who I am
stuck in this binary-obsessed world
where I must always, always choose.
Well, I refuse.
I will straddle the line.

Quinn Capes-Ivy 2013

Posted in personal, poetry, trans*, writing | Leave a comment

Mx It Up

428708_449939768432318_1097676139_nOver on Facebook I’ve started a new grassroots campaign to get gender-neutral titles such as Mx and Msc (for genderqueer people to use instead of Mr, Miss, Mrs etc), or the option of having no title at all, accepted as standard by organisations and companies around the UK.

I’ve been told this is unimportant, that we should have bigger fish to fry. Well, we do. I and the 100+ people who have joined me so far are not campaigning about this in lieu of campaigning about other things – it’s in addition! I truly believe that if we can fix small things like this that increase visibility of transgender and/or genderqueer people, then the larger issues start to get better as well.

At the moment I’m trying to compile two lists; one of companies and organisations who already accept gender-neutral or no titles, and one of those who don’t. Then I’ll be drafting some letters for people to send congratulating those who are already on the ball, and encouraging those who aren’t to pick up gender-neutral titles as part of their equality mission. Then? I’m not sure what comes next, but I’m sure it’ll move along with some effort.

Anyway, enough waffling. The campaign is Mx It Up and so far, you can find and participate with us on Facebook!

Posted in activism, petition, trans* | Leave a comment

Is homosexuality (and heterosexuality) inherently transphobic?

What is a lesbian or a gay man? Generally speaking, a lesbian is a woman attracted to women, and a gay man is a man attracted to men. And of course, we use the word ‘straight’ to mean a man attracted to women, or a woman attracted to men. But scratch the surface of these definitions and I believe we usually find some treacherous and insidious transphobia.

What does it mean to be a woman? I have met lesbians who say they call themselves lesbians because they are attracted to women, but when asked they clarify that they are only attracted to cis women. There is something, therefore, about trans women that makes them something other than women in many lesbians’ eyes.

Of course, I am not saying there is anything wrong with not being attracted to trans women – that you can’t control – but it is disingenuous to state that you are a lesbian (i.e. attracted to the group of people called ‘women’) but to exclude trans women from that group. By excluding trans women from the group you call ‘women’, you are being transphobic. This all, of course, applies to straight men as well (and replace ‘trans women’ with ‘trans men’, and it applies to gay men).

Similarly, some lesbians find themselves attracted to trans men. In this, are they stating that there is something about trans men that makes them “really” women (the only group that lesbians are ostensibly attracted to), or are they willing to admit that, by finding themselves attracted to men as well as women, they are probably actually bisexual or pansexual? Because by calling themselves lesbians despite their attraction to trans men, they are being transphobic.

The plot thickens. How about attraction to someone like me, who identifies as genderqueer – neither a man nor a woman? Even a lesbian who hasn’t internalised enough cissexism to exclude trans women or see trans men as women, might still be guilty here. Because if a lesbian is attracted to me because she perceives me to be female, she is, even without meaning to, misgendering me and being cissexist in her assumptions about my gender based on my presentation and/or bodily attributes.

Are the only people attracted to people like me, people who identify as pansexual? I don’t think so. Because I am privileged to ‘look’ like I am one well-recognised gender, people place me in that box and allow or disallow themselves to be attracted to me based on their assumption.

And the thing is that usually you can’t tell that somebody is trans*. People say to me “I’ve never met a trans person!” and all I can say is “Yes you have, they just weren’t wearing a sign.” For some reason people expect all trans women to be butch and hairy, all trans men to be small and effeminate. It doesn’t work that way.

The majority of trans people are just going about their daily lives and no matter how astute you think you are, no matter how much you believe they’re leaving little ‘clues’ to their ‘true sex’ left, right and Chelsea - you can’t ‘tell’. So to say “I’m not attracted to trans women” (or men) is also transphobic in the sense that you think that it’ll be apparent to you that they are trans.

And some might say “Well I’m attracted to certain bodily attributes.” For example, someone who calls herself a lesbian might be turned on by soft, hair-free skin, gentle jaw-lines and the smell we as a society attribute as being a ‘woman’s smell’. Nothing wrong with being solely attracted to those things at all.

But they usually say this as a way of excusing their exclusion of trans women, and inclusion of trans men and genderqueer people in their attraction. Of course, anyone with any sense will realise by now that many or most trans women have the attributes we associate with ‘womanliness’, some assigned-female genderqueer people don’t, and many or most trans men don’t.

So I suppose what I’m saying is not that lesbians, gay men and straight people are all automatically transphobic, I am saying that perhaps they ought to self-analyse a little bit and ask them why they are only attracted to one of many genders, what it is about that gender they find attractive, and what they would do if they met someone of that gender who defied their expectations of what a person of that gender should look/smell/sound/feel like – whether they feel they would be capable of attraction to that person. The answers to those questions, especially the last one, will tell them all they need to know about whether their sexuality is based in cissexism.

Posted in personal, privilege, relationships, sexuality, trans* | Leave a comment

One Billion Rising

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Text in Image: ONE BILLION RISING. STRIKE. DANCE. RISE

On 14th February 2013, at 7 pm, Hampshire Feminist Collective will join with activists around the world for ONE BILLION RISING, the largest day of action in the history of V-Day, the global activist movement to end violence against women and girls.

ONE BILLION RISING began as a call to action based on the staggering statistic that 1 in 3 women on the planet will be beaten or raped during her lifetime. With the world population at 7 billion, this adds up to more than ONE BILLION WOMEN AND GIRLS. On February 14, 2013, V-Day’s 15th anniversary, Hampshire Feminist Collective will join activists, writers, thinkers, celebrities, and women and men across the world as we express their outrage, demand change, strike, dance, and RISE in defiance of the injustices women suffer, demanding an end at last to violence against women.

We will be dancing in Southampton.  Please meet us at 19.00 outside Central Library on Commercial Road, from which we will move into Guildhall Square to get our Dance On!! For the flash mob to work try to get to meeting spot by 19.00, but if you’re running late just look for the group of people dancing in Guildhall Square and join in. To tie in with Valentines Day theme we will be wearing red and it would be great if you could do the same. (Maybe a red hat, scarf, gloves, a bandanna or a umbrella. Anything you can wear while you dance will do!)

Then we’ll be off to a pub/bar/cafe for a social. Probably either: Goblets, The Frog and Parrot (Used to be Old Fat Cat) or The Art House if they don’t mind us ruining a romantic atmosphere.

Please bring family, partners and friends and join us for a good evening. It should be a nice anti commercial alternative to Valentines Day.  A celebration anyone can join in, regardless of if they’re in a relationship or not!

If you can’t join us in Southampton then don’t let that stop you dancing! We’d love to see photos and videos of people dancing all over the county if you’re willing to share them.

More information about the event and why we’re rising visit the official ONE BILLION RISING website.V-Day is a global movement to end violence against women and girls.

(Also, find Hampshire Feminist Collective on Facebook!)

Posted in activism, feminists, hampshire feminist collective, local, violence | Leave a comment